Yes I know it’s Christmas Eve…and there will be a holiday blog. I just had to make this short one right now due to a dream I had.
Everyone in the dream was completely imaginary but the premise was this guy came to town and helped me, helped everyone, overcome a lot of obstacles that we struggled with. A lot of it was similar to the things I deal with having schizophrenia and anxiety disorders…but instead of just meds and typical talk therapy…this guy actually was able to take a more active approach and help people really overcome their problems truly…in just the few short weeks that he was in my imaginary dream town. However, the day after this man left town, no one remembered him. All our struggles were still improved…but we didn’t know how that had came to be. I was the only person that remembered the man.
When I woke up, I was really sad. I realized what I believe the dream was about though. Throughout this past year, there have been several people that have made an attempt to help me get through the struggles of a psychotic break and schizophrenia. Many people came into my life with the intent of helping me in a big way…but then also left. Some of these people I never see…and may not ever again. Some of them…I see every once in a while around town and we exchange polite greetings. Regardless, I am the only one that knows how huge an impact they made in my life…and I am the only one that can keep that memory going. So this is a thanks to all those people…who probably don’t read this blog…but regardless…I hope they have a wonderful Christmas. I hope they are still helping people. I hope the others they have helped in the past will find the time at some point to also just take a moment and remember…though these people are mostly gone, the impact they made lasts forever.
As my first pet profile blog, I find it only proper to begin with the breed of my service dog: the Labradoodle!
Now, Labradoodles are not actually a recognized breed, they are a hybrid or “designer dog…” an intentional cross between two purebred dogs, in this case the Labrador Retriever and the Standard Poodle. However, by now Labradoodles have been around long enough that multi-generation dogs exist…that is Labradoodles, with Labradoodle parents, are being bred together and producing reliable litters.
Australian Wally Conran is credited with being the first person to breed a Labradoodle. During the 80s, he was working with Royal Guide Dog Association of Australia. A woman in Hawaii called to inquire about a guide dog that could be used for her visually-impaired husband…who was allergic to dogs. Wally decided that the Standard Poodle would be an excellent option but could not find or train one successfully. Therefore, he decided to try something, breeding a Standard Poodle with one of the Association’s top Labrador Retrievers. From a litter of three, one of the puppies was hypoallergenic. That puppy was successfully raised, socialized, and trained to be the Hawaiian man’s guide dog. Soon after, calls began coming in from all over the world…people wanting to know more about this hypoallergenic mix. Wally decided that it was time to put some serious effort into developing this hybrid…and thus the Labradoodle was formed. During the 90s, more dog breeds were introduced to the mix in order to create a more solid mix…including the English and American Cocker Spaniel as well as other breeds. more…
So as you can tell from the title…my neurosurgeon appointment was today. It was not good. My mom and I waited three hours to see Dr. Ricca, a very highly recommended neurosurgeon. My mom was generally optimistic…figuring that my problem would be as easy to fix as her mom’s. See, my grandma just had surgery via Dr. Ricca to repair a fractured back that had pressed on her nerves and made it impossible for her to walk. Now, after over 6 months of being confined to a wheelchair and in severe pain, my grandma can walk! She and my mom were very impressed by the surgery because my grandma was walking right after it and the incision site was very small. My mom figured that if I needed surgery (which she doubted I did), it would be just as simple and successful. We already knew what was wrong. The disk between my 4th and 5th lumbar vertebrae is degenerated or herniated…whichever. It has been putting pressure on my nerves since I was 16…causing me to have varying degrees of hip and leg pain. Even though I had done some research on disc herniation, I was not prepared for today’s news. more…
I absolutely cannot sleep at normal hours anymore. I tend to go to bed around 4 and wake up around 1…consequently missing all my classes. I go to my Tuesday morning class…Abnormal Psych. Mainly because Adam drags me out of bed. All we learn about is serial killers…which quickly fuels my paranoia but Adam doesn’t know about that. Xanex does nothing for me…I assume it lets me sleep but really, by the time I go to bed I am so exhausted that I’m not sure a lack of Xanex would prevent sleep. Sometimes I think that sleep is just pointless…I could get so much more done if I stayed awake. But then…I don’t really have anything to do so what would I get done? And sleep is such an escape…the bed is so comfortable. I just float in it and listen to all the little noises that only I can hear. Eventually I sleep and have dreams that are better than real life. more…
It took longer than I desired to get this second post up. I’ve been working on ideas for post topics. I have several. Once a week I would like to do a profile on a pet species or breed. A couple of ideas for posts on controversial topics have come to mind…but I think I would like to save those until I have a more established following. Otherwise, I’ll just end up repeating myself. I also figure that I should give general updates on my personal status as well. This is a tricky topic because I definitely do not want to sound like I am whining or anything of the sort. I also do not want this blog to become a place for me to just rant about my problems and struggles. Really, that is selfish and not entertaining, informative, or a good method for advocacy. On the other hand, without personal updates this blog becomes very impersonal. I do not want to make myself into a reporter of hot media topics. Therefore, please bear with me while I find the appropriate balance for this blog. more…
Through the use of this blog, I hope to accomplish a couple things. First, I want to make the life of a person with schizophrenia (me) more public. Obviously, most schizophrenics are not willing to do this, or possibly are not able to do so. Therefore, schizophrenia becomes a bit of a mystery to the general public. Nearly everyone knows someone with depression or anxiety problems. Very few people know someone with schizophrenia because it only affects 1% of the population. This leads to a lot of confusion and stigma. Mental disease already involves a lot of stigma. If you add great amounts of misunderstanding, fear, and ignorance…the problem simply intensifies. By making my life more available to the public, I hope to provide a more realistic example for people to base their opinions on schizophrenia. Also, I cannot be considered an exception because I am high-functioning. I am not high-functioning. I am considered disabled…only 6% of the mentally ill are considered disabled by their illness. I cannot work. I require the assistance of a service dog. Since I was diagnosed, I have yet to go more than two months without being hospitalized. I, most certainly, am not high-functioning. more…
