Archive for » March, 2012 «

Washing Your Feet In My Tears

I come to you again in tears.  I’m having suicidal thoughts…but no intentions.  Don’t worry, I am still in a safe spot.  I just need extra support and I am currently getting it.  I’ve simply regressed back to the point where suicidal thoughts become a coping skill.  It used to be, that when I went through a rough spot…psychotic or simply emotionally vulnerable, I would go straight to suicidal thoughts.  The escape, though permanent, helped me feel more in control.  If I control whether or when I die…then ultimately I control how long I am in a tough spot.  I can either find a way to get out of it (which usually involved hospitalization) or I can let go of life completely.   I haven’t felt the need to have that coping skill in several months. more…

A Moment of Weakness

I usually don’t post when I am emotional.  I try to swallow any negative emotions up so that I can write a cohesive article that makes the point I aim at making.  But this blog does not exist just for objective education.  That doesn’t reflect life with schizophrenia.

In all honestly, I am writing through tears and wracking sobs.  I’ve had a panic attack.  I am trembling with pain and sadness. more…

Anniversary

Yesterday was my 3 year anniversary of being diagnosed with schizophrenia. more…