Overall, life has been pretty good these past couple weeks since I last posted. This is not due to the fact that I have closeted myself at home and not ventured out for any “adventures.” I’ve had some big adventures and goals met! more…
Archive for the Category »Dogs «
Who Rescued Who
27
Jan 2012
When I first met Sheriff, I was told he was an Irish Wolfhound puppy…my dream dog. Once I saw him, I knew this was not true. However, I still felt drawn to him. He was at the vet clinic for an adoption event…however not many people want a big, black dog. I took him outside to let him run around and I sat down on an overturned 5 gallon bucket. Instead of sniffing around, running, exploring, etc, Sheriff simply sat next to me and leaned against my legs. For several minutes I simply pet him…each pet solidifying my interest in him. After the adoption event, I asked if Sheriff could stay at the vet for a few weeks or so. My first year anniversary with my boyfriend was coming up…I thought Sheriff would be an excellent gift.
When I took my boyfriend to meet Sheriff, he was no longer the calm, laid back dog I had originally met. Even making eye contact with him caused him to urinate in fear. Not a good sign. Frankly, a horrible sign. This dog had some serious issues. The kennel workers told me that he was probably not far off from being euthanized. Not only do people tend to avoid big, black dogs…they tend to avoid dogs that pee everywhere in a panic. My boyfriend likely thought I was nuts for wanting this dog, but my mind was not changed. Over the next couple weeks, we were allowed to take Sheriff to the local park. He rode in the car great and his fears were not as severe once he was leashed and outside the kennel environment. But, he was still a very fearful and under-socialized dog.
At one point, while I was at work at Petco, my boyfriend decided to bring Sheriff to Petco since my shift was ending soon. At the same time, a local rescue was setting up for an adoption event. One of the volunteers dropped a folded metal crate right next to Sheriff. Sheriff was so startled that he backed out of his collar and took off running. My boyfriend and three rescue volunteers took off after him. They followed him across a very busy road and to the back of an ancient apartment complex…which ended with a drop-off about 8 feet down into the next shopping strip. Sheriff paused long enough at that drop-off without leaping for my boyfriend to approach him and get him leashed again. That experience really cemented the fact that this dog needed a lot of help. I don’t know how I did it, but I convinced my boyfriend that we were his forever home…with my dog training knowledge, I could turn this dog around. more…
Category: Dogs, Schizophrenia, Service Dogs
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Under Pressure
01
Jun 2011
Whew, I just sat down after standing in the kitchen for hours making 20 bars of soap. I’m now waiting for the last batch of Cool Eucalyptus to harden so that I can get it out of the mold and package it. It has been a long day.
There hasn’t really been a huge change since I last posted. I’m just hanging on and trying to ride through the problems I’m having. Today I saw my caseworker and I had to report to her that I have been hearing voices the past week. The voices were all related to the tornadoes, no matter where those tornadoes were. The voices told me that tornadoes were coming for me, tornadoes were going to flatten my home. I was absolutely terrified one night when the tornado sirens went off. The voices had been right, a tornado was going to take away my home and family. In reality, a tornado never touched down anywhere near our house nor the city we live in.
I also asked my caseworker if she knew anything about me getting a new therapist at the clinic. She was surprised, I was supposed to have been contacted last week about a new one. Actually, I was supposed to be contacted 2 weeks ago about a new therapist but that obviously didn’t happen. more…
Category: Schizophrenia, Service Dogs
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Sometimes You Have To Live In Laughter
12
Apr 2011
I have a few things to say about my week thus far, nothing really deep or profound though I suppose.
Sheriff is 5 years old now. Today he went to the vet for his yearly exam and shots. The vet says he looks good as ever and, as usual, was very well behaved. I also took him to Petco and gave him a bath (and myself a shower).
I saw my caseworker at the beginning of the week also. She asked me if anyone had told me about my diagnosis lately. No one had. more…
Category: Dogs, Schizophrenia, Service Dogs
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Adapt or Die
09
Apr 2011
Tonight I am going to see the movie “Hanna” with some friends. “Hanna” is a movie about a young girl who is an assassin. “Adapt or Die” is sort of the motto of the film.
Sometimes I feel like I am an assassin. With stealth and smarts, I slice the necks of hallucinations. I stab delusions in the heart and watch them die. Usually. Like all good assassin movies, I have a weakness…an opponent I have yet to defeat. more…
Category: Schizophrenia, Service Dogs
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It’s Not Panic, It’s Grief
26
Jan 2011
Monday this week I was discharged from the psychiatric hospital after six days of treatment. My inpatient doctor literally told me that he is perplexed by how so many medicines seem to just not work for me. Now I am on Haldol after it was determined that Loxapine didn’t work well enough. I’m still very stressed about graduating. I go to each of my classes with a knot of anxiety in the pit of my stomach. If only Sheriff knew how to magically calm me down and tell me that everything will work out.
People ask me if I’m okay lately and my response is usually “barely.” I am barely okay. Normally it is anxiety and delusions that are troubling me but tonight, it is grief. more…
Category: Schizophrenia, Service Dogs
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Labor Brings Happiness
22
May 2010
One knee is cut and bruised. The other knee hurts and seems to be twisted. My hips and back hurt so much that I can’t sit or lay down comfortably.
I wasn’t in an accident. I didn’t suffer a trauma. I welcome this pain because it was hard earned.
Today some boots that I purchased for Sheriff arrived in the mail. I bought them so that I don’t have to worry about injuring his feet as he walks on hot pavement this summer. They will also be helpful in other situations as well. In order to get Sheriff desensitized to his boots, I put them on him and then we immediately went for a walk. Because I didn’t give him a chance to worry about what was on his feet and I kept the experience really positive…he is now completely unconcerned with the boots. He even took a nap after we returned from the walk with the boots still on!
After the walk, I turned my attention to caring for two ducklings that I am raising. They are a week old and are Mallard/Swedish Black Duck hybrids. I named them Daffy and Darkwing after two cartoon ducks that were likely based upon the Swedish Black Duck. Because a bulldozer that was digging a trench in the yard smashed all the duck pens my dad and I built years ago, they are currently being housed in a large birdcage. However, we were able to find a pen with the least amount of damage so today we worked on repairing it. It was overgrown with poison ivy vines, thorn bushes, and a host of other plants. It was filled with dead leaves and sticks. There was a termite mound sitting on part of the wood frame. I had to use hedge trimmers to cut all the vines from the wire fence then I had to scoop all the leaves and sticks from the pen. The bulldozer detached one side of the fence from the frame and almost removed a few of the wooden posts that are part of the frame. I stabilized the posts then set about to cleaning the bird cage. My dad worked on the fence because he didn’t want me to cut my hands on the wires. While the ducklings were swimming in a makeshift pool, one of them decided to jump out and run off. In an effort to stop it from disappearing into the woods, I took a dive on the concrete to catch it. more…
Category: Dog Training, Dogs, Pets, Schizophrenia, Service Dogs
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A Service Dog’s Birthday
02
Apr 2010
Yesterday was Sheriff’s Birthday. He turned 4 years old. Looking back, it is amazing to consider all that he has done this past year. It was about this time last year that I really started trying to find a way to train him to be my service dog. Last spring and summer, he began training and quickly proved that he was fully capable of learning how to work for me. He learned several tasks that mitigate my disability and he learned how to behave while in public. His training reached a whole new level. And now, we spend nearly every day together, navigating the complexities of life.
This is a wonderful accomplishment for any dog. However, I must look upon Sheriff with a bit more awe when I consider his life before he became a service dog…or even before he became my dog. more…
Category: Dogs, Service Dogs
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A Birthday and An Update
05
Mar 2010
I am terribly sorry that I haven’t written a post in a while. February was a very rough month for me. My fiance, Adam, broke up with me and I moved back in with my parents. This has caused a plethora of mental and emotional difficulties. The good news is that Adam and I remain good friends…the break-up was not a bad one. It just hurts like the ending of any three year relationship very close to marriage would. Aside from grieving the relationship, I’m having quite a bit of difficulty with my family. I haven’t lived with them since I was in high school. My parents are very authoritarian. Also, they never took the time to learn about schizophrenia, so they don’t know much at all about how to deal with the things I struggle with. Of course, I try to explain, but they don’t really understand. There is a big communication gap and I don’t know how to fix it. I also don’t know how to prompt them to educate themselves about my mental illness. Regardless, there is much conflict resulting from the lack of understanding. However, they are doing there best to take the steps they can to make this transition easier. They are planning to build me a one bedroom apartment above the garage (its separate from the house) that I could live in. It would be friendly for all my disabilities…psychiatric and physical. This means that the flooring would be good for my back, it would be very secure to help with paranoia, and it would have some amenities that would make it easier for my service dog to help me. I am really hoping that they will be able to build this apartment, it would be a wonderful place that would help me immensely.
Since I have moved in with my parents, I’ve had to lose a few things…pets mainly. I no longer have my 75 gallon aquarium, in which I had invested much time and love into. I’m hoping that once the apartment is built, I can get a new (probably smaller) aquarium. They are very therapeutic for me and I greatly miss it. I’ll never be able to replace my wonderful fish, but I will be able to get new ones one day. I am somewhat looking forwards to an aquarium that doesn’t include an eel that eats all small fish. I enjoy tanks with several schools of fish and my 75 gallon was not able to have that. I also had to leave behind Vex, because that was Adam’s dog. I miss her quite a bit as well. Newton, a Greater Vasa parrot that Adam bought, was also left behind since it was his pet as well. I was very excited about living with a parrot who could talk again, and was large…but I can still visit her so its okay. I am happy that Adam has found a bird that he enjoys…that does bring me joy. Rex so far has not been able to come to my parents. They were not sure if they were going to allow that but decided that as a birthday present, they would give me permission to bring him home. I am so glad! I missed him terribly! As soon as some space is cleared out in my room and I can find a way to transport his cage, he will be coming to stay with me. I am very happy. more…
Category: Dogs, General Topics, Pets, Service Dogs
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