This semester I am taking a class called Introduction to Animal Science + Lab. Nearly every week in lab we go out to the farm and do something hands on with the animals. This has ranged from taking blood from the jugular of a cow to practicing Artificial Insemination with pigs. This week we got to stick our whole arm (gloved of course) inside the digestive track of a living cow. We did this to get an idea of how their digestive system works.
When you stick your arm into the digestive track, you angle towards the head of the cow so that you can find the reticulum and the esophagus. This particular cow was eating grain while we messed with her so her digestive system was actively working with the new food that was entering her body. That meant, that sometimes her muscles would contract as the digestive system worked. When they contracted, you literally could not get your arm out of the cow. You had to wait for her to relax.
This made me think about how we sometimes handle life.
When unexpected things occur in our lives, we often pause to process the change. Sometimes, we dig our heels in and refuse to allow the change to take place. However, some change is going to happen no matter what. Contracted muscles have to relax at some point.
I am horrible at accepting change. My comfort zone means that everything happens as expected and without surprise. I find it hard to adjust when plans change. My muscles contract. For example, I am not comfortable around bodies of water such as lakes, creeks, rivers, etc. I’ll stand on a dock over the water and sometimes even get in a boat, but I will not get in the actual water. I don’t want to get bitten by a water snake or a turtle. I don’t want to feel a fish brush up against my body. I don’t want to encounter whatever is lurking in that body of water. August 2010, I had to face that fear. My birthmom, her boyfriend, her boyfriend’s kids, and my siblings were all going to the river. I went, but not properly clothed for getting in the water…because I had no plans to actually get in the water. My plan was to sit in the shade and watch everyone have fun. But as I realized that tons of people were in the river swimming, riding down a short waterfall/rapids area, and just generally having fun, I noticed that no one was getting bit by snakes. No one was drowning. Everyone was having fun. I slowly began to relax and consider that getting in the water might not be as scary as I thought.
My mom ended up taking me back to the house, supplying me with appropriate clothing, and driving me back to the river. I had fun swimming and riding the current. I even rode down the rapids twice! I relaxed enough to have a good time with my family and try something new.
Of course, life isn’t full of such happy endings. Sometimes we have to deal with bad news or tough times. Again, most people contract and dig their heels in. Maybe a close friend is moving away. Maybe you lose your job and have to find a new one…a new job that may not be ideal for you even. No matter how hard you try and stop change from happening, you have to relax and give in eventually.
In 2009, during one of my many hospital stays, my therapist and psychiatrist started to voice that they felt I needed to apply for disability. At first, I thought…no way. I am going to get better and return to my wonderful job as a dog trainer and companion animal specialist at Petco. I loved that job. I wasn’t going to accept the idea that I may never return to the job. But as the hospitalizations continued and I didn’t improve, it became impossible to ignore that I had lost my ability to work. I couldn’t return. I was not stable. It would be a long time until I even became close to being stable. In fact, “stable” took on a whole new meaning than what it was before 2009. So, my mom and I sat down at the computer and began filling out all the forms needed to get disability. A few months later I was accepted and deemed by the Social Security Administration as disabled and no longer able to work.
It took a while for me to relax and accept that change. My parents had raised me to have a strong work ethic and sense of responsibility. Where was I going to channel those qualities into? Over the past two years, I’ve channeled those qualities into relationships with friends, my desire (and achievement) to get a college degree, and even into this blog. I try my hardest to post at least once a month. Lately, I’ve been on a roll and I’ve posted even more often. I continue to research and read books about schizophrenia, constantly trying to keep updated on various treatments that come along and the newest articles about news regarding mental health. More often, parents and other family members have e-mailed me and asked for advice on how to help their schizophrenic son or daughter. All my research pays off when it comes to that point. I can give these people resources and help them understand what their son or daughter may be feeling or going through. One parent asked me, “why does he want to regress?” I had to explain that virtually no one with schizophrenia (or other mental illness) makes an active decision to get worse. Many factors often contribute to a regression occurring. Regardless, channeling the skills my parents taught me helped me to maintain some level of self-worth and the ability to continue trying to succeed while living with a serious mental illness.
No matter if you are mentally ill or not, change happens. It may be pleasant; it may be painful. Often, we try to stop change because it can be scary or we are simply comfortable with things they way they currently are. But change occurs regardless and the key is relaxing and being pro-active. How can you deal with the change so that it is less scary? How can you make the change beneficial to you instead of simply stressful? These are things that everyone needs to consider. It is part of the “toolbox” of life skills we all carry with us. Some of us just have more tools than others sometimes. Which means, it is always okay to ask for help. You can always ask to bother some “tools” from a friend or loved one. Just don’t try to contract. It is simply tiring, stressful, and puts off the inevitable. It is better to face change as it comes and be prepared to make the best of it.