You Are Not Broken

“What is the point of being complete on the outside, but broken on the inside?” states motivational speaker, Nick Vujicic.  How right he is!  Physically, there is nothing wrong with me.  Mentally, I fight a battle on a daily basis.

However, I don’t view it as a battle anymore.  I view it as a way of life.  We all have our good days and our bad days.  So what if my bad days include suicidal thoughts, psychosis, intense anxiety?  We all have our struggles.  Additionally, I don’t believe that I have these struggles for no reason.  I cannot live my life thinking that I just have bad luck, that I am doomed to suffer from a severe mental illness for the rest of my life.  I choose not to suffer.

“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Acts 17:11

I was not given schizophrenia to make my life miserable.  I was not given aspergers to make my social life a wreck.  I was not given severe anxiety to make me fear so much of the world.  I was given these things to do something with, to build upon.  I can already see the prospering that these diagnosis have given me.  Nearly daily I receive messages from others with schizophrenia or their family members, thanking me for writing in this blog, or even more often, asking for advice.

I have hope.  People contacting me shows me that people are stepping outside the boundaries of stigma and admitting that they or a loved one is sick.  People are asking me for information about these illnesses.  They don’t want to hide the secret person with schizophrenia.  They want to shine some light on the situation and take hold of hope for themselves and their loved ones.  I have a future.  I don’t know what exactly it entails but I see it coming, lights shining brightly as my purpose is revealed to me.  My purpose to help eradicate the stigma of schizophrenia.

I am not broken inside.  I wish that every person with mental illness could see that in themselves.  We ARE NOT broken.  We have a purpose, one must only search inside to find it.  Not every person is meant to be an advocate for mental illness.  Whatever purpose a person with mental illness can find in their life is wonderful.  Perhaps it is simply getting your GED.  Perhaps it is graduating from medical school.  Perhaps it is being a friend to others who are sick, lonely, destitute, homeless, lost, etc.  Perhaps it is simply living a life that inspires others, in whatever form that may take.  None of that suggests that a person is broken.

If you feel that you are broken inside, you can change that.  YOU can change that.  No drugs or therapy can do that.  These things can set you on the right path, certainly.  However, if you do not take an active part in changing your inner mindset, you will never heal what you think is broken.  If you break your foot, a doctor can tell you about all the treatments available to fix your broken foot.  But, only you can agree to the treatments and say “Yes I will let you set the bone.  Yes I will wear a cast.  Yes I will use crutches.”  Only you can fix yourself.

When I go to the hospital due to psychosis or suicidal ideations, I have reached a low point in my illness.  Some may view that as broken.  I view it as a tune-up, just like vehicles need.  I lose sight of the goal, the purpose I have been given, but that purpose has not disappeared.  I simply need a few tweaks to set me back on the right path.  No low point can convince me that I am broken, because I know that I am not.  I have hope.  I have a life that I live to inspire others.

This is a mindset that you must believe for yourself.  If you believe that you are broken, who is responsible for picking up the pieces?  What caused you to become broken?  You can’t place blame on whatever you believe broke you.  When you blame a person, you believe that they are responsible for fixing what they have broken.  That doesn’t work with people.  Only you can decide in what way you are broken and how it must be fixed.  You may have been raped, bullied, assaulted, abused, etc. but you are still the one responsible for learning that you are not broken.  You have been impacted by the event, certainly.  However, I was impacted when my parents bought me a new computer.  Every day events impact us.  The value, whether positive or negative, that we give these events determines how we will allow them to affect us.  And in turn, how we will allow them to not break us.

This holiday season, take the time to look inside yourself.  Give yourself some credit and see that you are not broken.  Decide that you are going to take responsibility and find the purpose in life that you have been blessed with.  I tell you, that is the best gift you will receive.